Today is the day before my birthday and I’ve just been feeling sad. Then, today has not helped to make me feel any better either. I think it is all a foreshadowing to what’s to come emotionally for me tomorrow. The foreshadowing started this morning. My compact fell on the floor and all my powder splattered all over the floor. I think my hopes for a somewhat pleasant birthday shattered with it. Since I know I won’t be doing anything tomorrow, I at least hoped to do my makeup nicely and look pretty for my birthday to make myself feel better. So what? Buy another one, you say? The main reason I’ve been upset is because I have no money, well barely. All I have is $2 in my wallet (not counting my lucky $2 bill but, I don’t think it’s lucky anymore) and $29 in the bank and that’s probably an overestimation.
This whole money problem has been ruining my life, lately. I don’t really need to do anything for my birthday or receive anything. I just want to be home with my family. It’s my first birthday away from my family and I don’t have money to go to them and they definitely don’t have money to come to me. We are practically drowning in debt right now. I’m just feeling so sad and this whole birthday thing is the topper on the cake.
I keep toying with the idea that maybe I’ll get a surprise visit from them but, that is not possible right now. The only thing I have scheduled for tomorrow right now is Physics Lab(I hate that class), Physics class, a meeting with my school organization at 5 and eating carrot cake alone, maybe while I watch a sad Turkish movie (The Turkish make great sad movies).
Anyways, tomorrow, I will be 20 and I feel completely useless and unaccomplished in life. I have never held a job and although I keep applying for different jobs, no one seems to want to hire someone with no experience these days. I can already see my job prospects for when I graduate from college. I just want to wallow in self-pity right now. But really, I just want to see my family even though when I went home for summer school break it seemed like we were all miserable and were struggling to get our next meal, at least we were miserable together.
So tomorrow I’ll twenty and depressed, jobless, in debt, and waiting for a miracle to happen. I guess this is the part where I’m supposed to have an epiphany or something that is the turning point in this…this whatever it is, a rant, but I don’t know if I have the strength to think of one or If I just don’t want to. Hopefully, my birthday will be better than I expect.
Thanks for listening to rant,