God has a sense of humor. This was my first attempt at a relationship. I met this guy who attended my church in undergrad every now and then. He was 6’3” and probably too old for me (9 year age difference). He had ambition. I fell in love with his story of him getting his life together and going to firefighting academy then trying to get his software company off the ground. I love guys with goals and intelligence. He seemed perfect. He knew what he wanted and he wanted a serious relationship that was going to lead to a marriage eventually. I felt like God had given me a gift. On top of that, he liked me! Me, who had never had a relationship or anything close to a relationship with the opposite sex in the two decades of my life. I decided to try this “talking thing” out with him.
I was content at first, blinded by first love. He seduced me with words of our future and talks of his future plans. I was completely enamored by his stories of his past and present. His life was much more interesting than mine filled with trips to Dubai, California, Georgia, and Texas. I had only lived in Florida all my life. He told me about his office meetings, struggles with his startup company, and firefighting training . It was exciting and it was long distance. It seemed perfect for me, a person who likes to be alone. We only had to see each other so often because he was constantly traveling. He talked of plans to travel together in the future. I always wanted to travel out of the country. This was faith.
But, soon faith started to rear her ugly head and I was very disappointed. Behind the talks of our future was the need for control. I should have known when all his ex-girlfriends were labeled “crazy.” I am probably a “Crazy” ex-girlfriend too. I was expected to drop all my plans when he popped up into town unexpectedly even when I had told him about my mandated plans previously. He insulted my friends and the organization I had come to love to work with.
What really put the nail in the coffin was not even these things but his response to events around us. I was seeing that he was more conservative in his religion than our church was. He sent a mass email to the church that stated we should all stay home if a female was going to preach and another email about Easter/ resurrection day being the devil’s holiday. At that time, I was grateful that we were not official because that was embarrassing to here everyone in our small church talking about his mass emails.
When I tried to break up with him, he found ways to manipulate my words so that he was the victim and I knew I was right for breaking up with him. He set a word trap for me to trick me into “admitting that I was cheating” and I purposely walked into it to get rid of him. No doubt he might end up successful in his other endeavors in life but, I am glad that I walked out of that potential relationship that would have manipulated me and controlled my life in ways that would drain me of my livelihood.
What I thought I wanted wasn’t what I really wanted. Yes, someone who takes control is nice sometimes but, not to the point of manipulation. What I look for in a partner has changed a little so, I do not run into a similar situation. But, at least I learned from my mistakes and know what to avoid. But, God really has a sense of humor because then he sent me another man with the tweaks I made. But, that is another story.
Thanks for listening to my rant,