Although I have been pretty consistent in posting because I have my posts scheduled in advanced, it’s actually been a while since I last sat down to compose a blog post. I have been stumped on what to write for some time. I still am but, today is more of a post about my emotional state of being. Today, I feel down in the dumps probably due to stress. Stress is a major trigger of my misery. That stress that weighs me down is usually a product of financial worries, school anxieties or both. Today is both and I haven’t even started the school semester yet. Sometimes, I really wonder if I am going to make it through all four years with all the stress but, I am determined to get through all four years even if it kills me. After all, I’ve gotten this far, what’s a few more years of suffering through the stress? I cannot wait to be done with school and working with less financial stress and worries (one can only hope for as much).
As of right now, I am stressed. Only Monday will tell how much more stress I will or will not have to go through right now. I am trying hard not to overanalyze my situation and make it bigger than it could be in my head but, it is really hard. The next 2 days I have to wait to get a response from my school financial advisors is only making things worse.
Looking at this post, it seems to be similar to my older posts from 2014. Money and school always seem to be an issue in my life. I am just feeling so defeated right now but, I know I cannot let my problems defeat me. I will keep on going, stressed or not. I’ll cry and whatever and keep going. I just worry sometimes that my efforts will not always be enough to get me through the monetary situations. I just want to be miserable alone right now. That’s the mood. My room is too bright and the music and laughter next door, too much.
Right now, I’m contemplating erasing this entire post. I hate showing my vulnerabilities and my problems to others. It could be for fear of being judged or pitied. I really do not know but I do not like it. It could also be pride. Admitting that you need help and aren’t perfect is a very hard thing, sometimes. But, I needed to release my stress and worries somewhere so, here I am writing this.
The stereotypical me wants to hide this from the world including my family that would do anything to support me. But, I don’t want to share the stress. I know I shouldn’t isolate myself and this feeling for much longer but, I cannot help it. I also do not want to make a big deal out of this until I know I definitely have a reason to stress. Although the uncertainty I have now does not stop me from this heavy-weight feeling. I am such a worry wart sometimes and I hate it.
Thanks for reading my rant,
Read Worry Wart Part II
Updated 11/30/2018 to include link to Worry Wart Part II