How can something so easy be so hard? Ask and you shall receive, right? But, what if you don’t know how to ask? Or at least not comfortably, anyways. This is something that I have struggled with for such a long time. I didn’t even want to ask questions in school. I always feared to have a stupid question and forget even asking for a favor or an item. I didn’t want to be a burden to others. Why am I writing in past tense? This is still me. I struggle with asking on a daily basis. The only difference is that now I make a conscious effort to force myself to ask for things/ favors. I’ve learned that some people are willing to help you and sometimes asking can make your life easier. You make your life harder by not asking. I still haven’t asked a question in class yet in my 19 years of being in school besides, “Can I use the restroom?” Even that question was nerve-racking. Thank God for the teachers that just let you use the restroom without asking in my later years of middle and high school.
I think this ailment is a part pride and part extreme shyness. I don’t know. I am constantly analyzing myself and that is one thing that I don’t get. You know how they say its good to ask questions during interviews? Yeah, struggle life. I always forget the question I planned to ask beforehand and go into a panic in my mind. I am not a questioner. Everything I have questions about, I just Google. Then, expand my research if need be. Is this extreme anti-socialness or an anxiety? I’m anti-social but, not that anti-social. I just prefer certain people so, I don’t think that’s it. I also wouldn’t rank this as an anxiety either. There are way more things that can rank higher than this when it comes to things that can give me anxiety. I think I may just be pondering over this thought for a while in my life.
When I google the inability to ask, all I get is stuff about help for addiction and stuff about finding your inner self, followed by a prompt to purchase a session with some self-awakening expert. I don’t know about all of that. I think I’ll stick to my usual techniques for now: having a pros and cons argument in my head before asking for what I want. Hopefully, the more positive responses I get, the less painful asking will become.
The inability to ask comes from the reluctance to get help. That is my problem. Asking for help. I can give it and be happy but, asking is another story. I don’t always mind receiving help but, asking is a major roadblock. Yep, I think this is a pride thing. Google says that pride makes you self-conscious and that you measure yourself against others. That is a huge problem of mine. I measure myself against others all the time and feel inadequate. Maybe that’s my issue. Sounds about right. I need to make a more conscious effort to be my own measure of success. But, its sooo haaarrrdd! Ugh! Whhhyyy!!
Well, now that I acknowledged that. Where do I go from here? I don’t really know where I’m going with this post but, at least we learned something about me today. Pride is an issue. Hmm, and I thought it was going to be a more complex issue.
Thanks for listening to my rant,
What’s holding you back in life? How are you addressing this issue? I’d like to know. Comment down below. Also, don’t forget to follow my blog and like this post for more rants like this.