I wrote this post last Friday. I love being a positive person. But I also feel that this blog needs to be realistic and relatable.
I want to be transparent as possible with everyone that follows me. Not every day is all sunshine and rainbows. There are days where everything just gets too much.
There are days where I get in a depressive mood. Here is a post inspired by my mini mental breakdown.
This morning, I woke up from a nightmare. My stress has been getting worse in the past few days. Today was supposed to be my day off from responsibilities. Well, not really, just school-related responsibilities.
But life apparently had different plans for me. Early this morning, I received a message that made my anxiety just skyrocket through the roof.
I put the group chat on mute reiterating to myself that today is my off day. Later, I received a school-related email that made me feel even more anxious.
Overall, this school year is coming to an end and school seems to be the source of all my anxiety. There are a lot of things that did not go as planned. Which is fine but there are also a lot of new developments popping up. I don’t know how well I can juggle everything.
I don’t know what it is about today but, it’s like all the emotions and stress I was holding came at me all at once. Now, here I am crying in a depressive mood by myself. I just feel like skipping the next year of my life and graduating.
I’ve cried for today in-between my never-ending to-do list and I need to pick myself back up. I don’t even want to pick myself back up but I know it’s for the best.
Failing is not an option. I am too deep in the loans for that. What do you do when you are not mentally in a good place and you can’t find the motivation to get out of bed every morning?
So, I googled it because I have to at least make it through the next couple of weeks of school. And even that seems too far at this point.
Its times like this where I just have to make it past tomorrow. And then I have to keep making it past tomorrow until the end of this school year. So upon my research I found:
The first thing to do when you are not mentally in a good place is to find your connection.
For a moment, I realized that part of my crushing depressive mood was feeling alone. Feeling alone or disconnected is more likely to make you depressed. So, one thing you can do is try to make re-connect with those around you.
Who’s the first person you can talk to about your feelings. I have two people that I trust to talk about my feelings when I’m at my lowest point. Talking about my feelings when I’m not happy is definitely something I struggle with.
It takes a lot of effort on my part even when talking to my designated support team. Who’s on your emotional support team? The people on your emotional support team should be people you can cry on and blow your nose on a soggy tissue with.
These are the people you trust to see you in your moment of weakness. Even, if they cannot completely relate to your situation, you know that they will listen. They let you cry without trying to make any suggestions because they know you just need to let the feelings out.
Realize that it’s okay to fail.
You are not the first person and you will not be the last. You can definitely bounce back. This struggle that you are going through is to make a better story for your testimony.
You wouldn’t be able to appreciate all your victories if you didn’t have any low points.
You don’t have to have the answers to everything.
You don’t have to know why you feel sad. You do not have to have a solution to your problem. It is okay to not know.
I find myself confused about my feelings all the time. It is human nature that we like to categorize our feelings and put them in a box. But that’s not always going to work.
You’re just going to have to accept the fact that you don’t know what triggered you to snowball into unhappiness. Accept your emotions. You do not have to pretend to be happy for anyone.
It gets tiring to pretend to be happy and to pretend to be okay all the time. You are always the happy one so you feel like you have to keep up appearances. I understand.
Take a break and take care of yourself. Talk to your loved ones. Spend some time in solitude loving yourself. Get away from the world and its high standards for a little bit.
Wear your ugliest but most comfortable pajamas. Do what gives you peace. Write, paint, dance your pain. Pour it out so you can feel better.
Whatever you do, do not let the anxiety, the depression, or the stress stay inside and fester into something horrendous. You know exactly who is and isn’t toxic to you at this moment. Be cautious with who you let around you.
You are in a sensitive period. Know that there is no one in this world who does not have someone who loves and cares for them. Even when you feel isolated and alone, there is always someone who cares.
Your hardship is not for nothing.
You can make it. Even if you can only look as far as tomorrow, look forward to tomorrow, today. Then, tomorrow, look forward to the day after the next. And keep doing that until you can see next week, next month, and so on.
You will pass! You will graduate! You can breathe! You will live!
I just wanted to turn my depressive mood into something positive for someone else. Remind someone that you care for them today. You never know might need it.
Thanks for reading my rant,
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