The Reluctant Beginner’s Guide to Vulnerability

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Vulnerability is today’s post. But before we start I just have to say that I am just so physically and mentally drained. But don’t worry. This is not another apology post. I promised a blog today and I brought it. I just need mental rest. I still don’t know where or when I’m going to fit that into my life.

It honestly makes me feel like crying. I feel overwhelmed and like I’m never going to get passed this stress. I just want the month to be over already. I’m already overwhelmed with block 3 of rotations. But that is another story.

reluctant beginners guide to vulnerability
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Today’s topic is vulnerability. It is my least favorite topic. But it was requested. I absolutely abhor being vulnerable. It is the perfect time to hit someone when they are down.

Being vulnerable can go one of two ways. You can your increase connection with someone. Or you can learn why you never trusted someone in the first place. I always think of the latter.

Why Being Vulnerable is Scary?

After all, the definition of vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

Of course, you’re going avoid being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed. You’re human. No one likes to be hurt.

Why Being Vulnerable is Important?

To a lot of people, being vulnerable just sounds painful. Or maybe just to me. But there is a common myth that being vulnerable means spilling all your deepest darkest secrets.

The good news is you don’t have to spill all your deepest darkest secrets to become vulnerable. Well, at least not if you don’t want to.

Being vulnerable takes courage because you are putting yourself out there. That means that you should be able to choose what you share and who you share with.

You don’t have to be vulnerable to people who barely trust. You get to choose who deserves to hear about your experiences and your feelings.

Vulnerability is an emotion. It can help us connect with others. With that being said, realize that you may not necessarily want to connect with everyone.

It’s perfectly healthy to have boundaries. Being vulnerable should allow you to experience joy, positive emotions, and/or deeper connections afterward. If you don’t get that, maybe the person you are being vulnerable with doesn’t deserve your vulnerability.

What are the benefits vulnerability?

You get a sense of belonging and you build deeper connections.

When you are vulnerable to the right people, you can end up feeling more connected. That is always a great feeling.

It brings you more joy and can even help you unload your stress. This is where your support team can come in handy. Make sure you have people on your team that you can be vulnerable with.

Emotional Support

emotional support with vulnerability
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I’m sure you’ve done this before. We all have that person that we feel comfortable ranting to. At that moment, you are being vulnerable by letting out your feelings: the good and the ugly.

Contrary to what you may think, this does count as being vulnerable. Even if the rant level seems kind of shallow. Not all vulnerability has to be deep and groundbreaking.

Remember that not all people will deserve your deepest darkest secrets. Or even your deepest darkest emotion. But being vulnerable can allow you the emotional support that you need in your times of sadness.

Increases your self-worth

When you rant or let your emotions loose, you are giving yourself a chance to see that your experiences are pretty common. You may learn that you are not the only one struggling with depression, stress, or other issues.

And while you may deepen the connection and bond with others through your similar experiences, you are also increasing your self-worth. This is because you now see that your feelings are normal.

You can come into self-acceptance about your weaknesses and abilities. You may start to compare yourself to others a little less because you realize the struggle that comes with their achievement.

You will come to realize that your achievements or lack of achievements don’t make you any less. You may realize that you don’t want to sacrifice your social life for the leadership title after learning what stress it took on others.

Then you realize that not having all the accolades to your name is okay. You still like yourself regardless. You may realize that you are not the only one who has embarrassing moments during speeches and stop beating yourself up so much.

You may just become more comfortable in your skin because of your vulnerability. And you may just allow yourself to share your insecurities with your chosen support team.

How can you start making yourself more vulnerable?

how can you start making yourself more vulnerable
Photo by Alan Cabello on Pexels.com

Realize what’s stopping you from becoming vulnerable.

What is your worst fear about being vulnerable? Is it getting stabbed in the back by someone you care about? Is it being rejected by your loved ones?

Realize what is truly holding you back from being vulnerable. What is the best thing that can happen from your vulnerability? What is the worst thing? How well do you trust the person you want to tell? How have they reacted to similar news? Use that as a guide for being vulnerable.

Just bite the bullet and be vulnerable.

You can analyze the topic and the person all day. But sometimes you have to just stop being scared and do it. Or rather do it while you’re scared. You’ll be surprised at the results you get.

Your chosen support network might handle your vulnerability better than you thought. And you might just end up leaving your conversation more inspired and feeling more connected.

Be prepared to deal with the results no matter what.

So maybe the person you thought deserved your vulnerability stabbed you in the heart. But did you die?

No. Yes, it hurts and it may seem hard to recover from. But realize that a person is only one person. Everyone is different. You may not want to be vulnerable with that person again.

Also, you may want to use your knowledge of that person’s personality to gauge their reaction first. You know your support team somewhat well.

You are not going to be completely vulnerable with a stranger unless you like that sort of thing. Then, this post is probably not for you anyway.

Also, have a plan on how to deal with your worst-case scenario. Who are you going to talk to next? Do you need time to recover? How will you recover? Maybe journaling out your emotions and plans will help.

Who deserves your vulnerability?

who deserves your vulnerability
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I think this is common-sense. But not really. Don’t be vulnerable with someone who is always putting you down.

Do not be vulnerable to negative people.

That only serves to bring you down. And it breaks down all the self-worth and confidence that you built for yourself. I think that many of us have opened up ourselves to negative people before and have been hurt. This is what makes being vulnerable so scary.

As humans, we learn from experience. If you’ve been hurt, its only common sense not to do what hurt you again. But, be courageous and be vulnerable. But do it smart.

Do it with people who constantly build you up and support you. Sometimes we want emotional support so badly that we forget that we option to chose who we share our vulnerability with. Remember that you can choose who deserves your vulnerability. And know that you deserve the best support group.

Thanks for reading my rant,

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Shika Tamaklo is a pharmacy student attending Mercer University. She is a college lifestyle blogger who writes on fitness, health, student life struggles and, occasionally dabbles in creative writing.

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