You are your own worst critic. You are compassionate to everyone but yourself. Everyone is allowed to have an off-day but you. Sound familiar? We all need a little self-compassion every now and then.
Day after day, you are constantly trying to be the best. Your ambitious nature is quite impressive. But sometimes it leaves no room for failure. Combine that with your perfectionism, and well, let’s just say you don’t make mistakes well.
You beat yourself up constantly about your mistakes. But what you need is a little self-compassion. What is it you told your friend after they stumbled and stuttered through their speech?
It’s okay. No one thinks you’re an idiot. In fact, they know you’re smart. Everyone gets nervous about something and stumbles.
Now, imagine that was you. Would you say the same to yourself? If not, you need self-compassion.
What is Self-Compassion?
Well, let’s say I talked about it before. But I gave it another name. I called it grace and gratitude. Allowing yourself grace for your downfalls and gratitude for your successes.
Just because you allow yourself to have compassion for your sufferings, your failures, and your downfalls, doesn’t make you weak. This doesn’t mean you’ll stop being ambitious. No, self-compassion done in a mindful way can make you resilient.
Self-compassion is neither indulgent nor is it self-pity. That is the most important thing to remember.
It will increase your sense of fulfillment, decrease your stress, depression, and anxiety. Just think about it. How wonderful it will be to not beat yourself up every time something goes awry? Just think! Being able to remember that yes, you’re human and you make mistakes. That’s a relieving thought in itself.
It will give you the courage to move forward even after you fail. Because it’s not your fault. People make mistakes and you’re not a failure.
How do you practice self-compassion?
I think you already know how to practice. But, if you’re a little slow to catch on, here’s the more straightforward approach.
Treat yourself the way you treat others
I know. I just reversed the golden rule. But some of you are out here treating other people better than you treat yourself. You give strangers more leeway than you give yourself. Start being your own cheerleader. Start comforting yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.
Say it out loud
Comfort yourself out loud. Say exactly what you would say to your friend out loud. Don’t be embarrassed. The health of your soul is worth more than some embarrassment. You deserve the pep-talk. Sometimes it works better if your ears actually hear it than if you just say it silently in your mind.
Give yourself permission
Give yourself permission to be compassionate. For some of you, that’s the main thing holding you back. You know what to say and what to do. But you are not giving yourself permission to be compassionate towards yourself. You are saying empty words out loud. You are telling yourself it’s okay.
But do you really believe that? Have you given yourself permission to be imperfect? Imperfection is not always a bad thing. Good things can come from mistakes. In fact, a mistake made the post-it notes (one of my favorite things) and chocolate chip cookies!
Know that you are not alone
You’re not alone in your flaws. You are not alone in your disappointment, sadness, happiness, anger, or joy. There will always be someone there with you at your level. You may feel alone at the beginner level. You may feel left behind, but there’s always going to be someone behind you, ahead of you, and best of all, someone next to you. So, you are never alone.
Give your self a little self-compassion. You are holding yourself back by not giving in to your self-compassion. Self-compassion is not indulgent, egocentric, nor is it self-pity. Self-compassion is just allowing yourself to be forgiving toward yourself. It is giving you the opportunity to acknowledge your failures, your struggles, and flaws without beating yourself up.
Don’t be afraid to give a little self-compassion. You are compassionate to others. Why not be compassionate towards yourself as well? Give yourself permission.
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